Monday, February 13, 2012

Any Day Now

Wow!!! Can I take a second and just say... HELLO!!! :) It's been a long time since I've actually sat down an written a post to my blog. Many of you who support me in this have hounded me about writing again, and for that I say thanks! :) It took a second to get back to this point but I'm truly glad I'm here.

Okay, so much has happened since my last post!!! I believe I briefly touched on a few struggles I had early last year in one of my previous blogs. But anyway, here's a recap.

So last April, I lost my job! I left a good job (looking for better - when it wasn't time to go ;) ) and started a new job that wasn't anywhere near better (didn't know it until I got there!), and got FIRED after the 1st full day of work!!! Talk about a reality check! So after about two months of being unemployed, I was able to find a gig through a temp service! Then once that was over they found another one for me. I did this for about seven months. Each day I woke up I didn't know if it would be my last day on the particular assignment because the position was indefinite. Which could mean it could last forever or last a week. It just depends.

So for these seven months, I'm not going to lie, I was extremely discouraged!!! I put up a good front sometimes. But I was hurting, and felt alone! Some of my close friends know exactly how bad I was emotionally. Losing touch spiritually, etc. I mean I pretty much tanked spiritually... I was on E... Four flat tires! The whole package. It wasn't a pretty thing for me. I had started a diet, and even set goals for myself... But because I didn't have enough faith, I fell off the diet... gained more weight! People just randomly stopped communicating with me. Friendships shifted! And much worse, I ALMOST lost my car! (Yep transparent) People throwing shade, ehhhhhh, didn't bother me too much. It stung a little but I moved on. But that working a job and still not making it? Tuh! Like, I seriously made slim to nothing while temping and basically got behind on everything. Like it was just a backward slope! But I still went to church, I still smiled, still sang, etc. 

So one day, I asked the Lord when will the pain stop? When will I get a job that pays decent money and isn't temporary! When will I lose this weight that I've been battling forever now, seems like! How the heck am I going to keep my car!!! What am I doing wrong!!! And all I heard was, "Any day now". And at first I was like, dude are you serious! Then I remembered this song that a few groups in Indy sing called, "Any day now" by Craig Hayes & The United Voices... And I've been listening to it off and on for a few months now. 

It says,
 "Any day now, any day now, the Lord is going to do just what he said. I don't know how. All I know is any day now, the Lord is going to do just what he said." 

Sometimes when you don't give me a specific time frame, I panic. So saying any day now... That just makes me slightly jumpy and nervous LOL. BUT LET ME TELL YOU! After about two weeks of crying myself to sleep and praying quietly, so my mom and brother couldn't hear me. I get called about a job that I had applied for at least two months prior to the call! Any day now... Then I landed a face to face interview. Any day now! And then I got an offer three days later.... Any day now!!! AND ALL OF THIS HAPPENED the LAST week of my temporary assignment. The assignment was going to end and the temp service had said they didn't have anything else for me. 

When I tell you I haven't lost ONE thing!!! Everything is in excellent standing... And no, I wasn't shocked but more so anxious and anticipating what the Lord was going to do because I had no clue what it would be. I went, pretty much, 9 months of suffering!!! And it was all for God's glory!!! And even now, there are still some things I need and want the Lord to do, but some of it starts with me! Since the new year, I've been devoting myself to God on a daily basis... now, it's a little scattered LOL... not the same time every day but gosh darnit I GOTTA do it because I believe in him that much that I will take my entire lunch break and read my word or pray... Or lay in bed until midnight reading a few scriptures...

I know this was kind of scattered but I said all of that to say, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't give up! If you're crying out... KEEP CRYING! If you're praying... KEEP PRAYING!!! If you're fasting... KEEP FASTING!!! Keep doing what you are doing until you feel God come and shake that mess up!!! I'm telling you.

God is real y'all. And ANY DAY NOW! He's going to do just what he said he would do for you! :)

Much Love,
J Edward

(irock_soul) - twitter

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Don't Mind Waiting

Whenever I try and muster enough strength to try and figure out just what God is trying to do in my life, I instantaneously become weak. I find that there is not enough strength in the world to figure out what God is up to. Why do we as Christians, regular people, try to figure out so much of our lives? Not saying that you can't have an idea of what you want to do in life, but it's those moments where you are smacked down completely that make you think, why?

I have had the most humbling experience here recently. It is still a very live experience in that the unthinkable in my life has happened? What is it you ask? I am UNEMPLOYED! I had a good job and sought better. In my better seeking I found a position that I just knew would be wonderful for me, an excellent fit for me to advance my career. So I leave my good job for "better" and after two days on the "better" job, I was let go. And it came as a shock to me. I have never been unemployed! EVER! It was made clear to me that my previous job would be quickly hitting the downward track, and I KNOW I heard God tell me to move on, but I can honestly say I didn't hear him say where. It brings me to tears to know that I acted prematurely, when I felt that "gut" feeling that said, don't move yet. Well, I moved anyway and after two days I was let go from the "better" job.

So here I am, no job, and no money...HUMBLED! But it's funny how you move without God but he still comes to your rescue in a way. I knew after the second day that the "better" job wasn't "better" at all. A few dollars more? Of course... but no peace. I go in on day three to be told I didn't meet the expectations of the company. What did I do wrong, you ask? If I knew, I would surely tell you. I just know that God snatched me up really quick. I couldn't even blink. And when I got to my car, with my little box that I almost started to unpack, I couldn't do anything but cry. I felt like a failure, and for lack of a better word, a dumb ass.

I generally am transparent but not this transparent. So you're getting a real exclusive with this one LOL. I just couldn't hold this in because I know there are others in the same situation. This was a humbling experience for me. And I want to tell everyone whom I call friend and those that consider me their friend, just wait. Take a deep breath and chill. Don't be like me, hahahaha. I jumped the gun and here I am. But I can say this, God has gotten me through so much worse. (Insert praise break here) And yes it stings to sit here day after day waiting on the phone to ring for a job but I KNOW God to be exactly who and what he is in my life, sovereign. I am in no way perfect! I have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many flaws and imperfections but in that he still blesses me. And I know he will come thru for me, once again. This time, I don't mind waiting :0)

I love you guys!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No Lack (Hurdling the Storm)

Wow! It has been a very long time since my last post. I know there are some of you that actually enjoy reading my posts, and for that I'm so appreciative and apologetic at the same time- because I haven't posted in over a month.

I have had a very interesting list of events in the past few weeks and I have finally decided to write. I think that making time to write out my feelings is what's going to keep me sane at this point. One thing I always say you shouldn't do, and at the same time most often fall short of, is judge people. You never know what someone is going through.

Gosh, where do I begin? Let's begin with the inner pain I'm still dealing with as it relates to the passing of my grandfather. I may have mentioned him in previous entries but I think you need to know the full length detail of the pain and emotion that's a result of his passing. When I was child, the father that I knew and loved, was not the father that I thought I knew yet loved. A consistency of popping in and popping out, along with a feeling of neglect and bitterness rendered me mean and broken. In that brokeness there was but one that never left my side. It's a given that God is there no matter what; however, there are people in place on earth that serve that same purpose. The man I speak of is none other than my grandfather, Alandis Reeves SR. The man who taught me how to cut the grass, who demostrated how to use an electric and manual screwdriver. He even showed me how to lay cement, how to build, but most importantly how to love. All of these years I thought I lacked and BAM, I lacked NOTHING. I simply didn't realize it ALL until he passed.

I said all of that to say, his birthday was earlier this month, February 7th. So you can imagine I was a little sad... I miss the man like crazy. So in that week of grieving and just simply reflecting I experienced another interesting turn of events. My vehicle shuts completely down on me, not driveable at all. It just so happens that this would be tech week for "The Book of Ruth: Remixed"- a recent play I was apart of. So I am now at the mercy of my family and friends because I don't have a car. And those that know me know, I NEED my car LOL. So I go over a week without having a car, and much worse having no money. My car was estimated at $2,250.00. I think you can imagine how upsetting that can be. Reorganizing my emotions, trying to channel my grieving through other things so I can make it through the work week, and now this. In all of that sadness, God had something else in mind...

My vehicle that was estimated $2,250.00 ended in me paying $300.00. My car is now fixed and yes there are few more kinks that need to be worked out but I haven't lost anything. See where I'm headed?

So, with me still grieving and dealing with a jacked up car, work becomes one of the last places on earth I would want be. The job that I LOVED has become a wreckless, hostile, unstable environment. Pressure's all over the place. Deadlines, reports, tests, etc. It even got so bad that I cried in my boss's office because I was so upset! Oh but this isn't the end. Last weekend I go to a rehearsal for another production I'm apart of, and discover my wallet has been stolen. No ID, credit cards, debit cards, insurance cards, business cards, NOTHING. I have nothing but my word on who I am. I can't even go to the bank to withdraw money out of an account that money was just deposited into the day before my wallet was stolen. At this point I have had it with everything. Excuse my choice of words but I was pissed completely off.

But then I began to think about EVERYTHING I just described to you. When I was a child I thought I didn't have that father that I needed when I did- no lack. When my car was DOWN I had my mother, brother, and two co-workers who live on my side of town pick me up and take me to work- no lack. I have a job that... STOP! I have a job- no lack. And I have no wallet, ID, credit cards, debit cards, yet I have gas in my car, haven't missed one meal and my bills are paid- no lack.

I said all of this to say (shaking my head really hard) that when you really think about it, in some circumstances, yes we are emotional and wished things could have happened differently but somehow there is no lack, anywhere. I went through about four storms in just about two weeks, and one of them isn't even over; however, I haven't lacked anything.

Isn't it amazing how God can allow you to go through some things that are way beyond you, and even allow you to feel worthless and upset, but He has never allowed you, well me at least, to lack anything. I was never good at doing hurdles in school, but in life... I've found myself to be rather skilled and qualified. No matter how high the hurdle or even how deep the valley...I might come out bloody, and with broken bones, but the point of it all is that I come out!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

You Can Always Call His Name™

So we ALL know my FAVORITE gospel group is Trin-i-tee 5:7!! I think that's a given... but one thing I love about them is their style and approach to gospel music. Even though this song is now considered "old school", I must say "Call His Name" still gives me goosebumps like it did 13 years ago (UH OH! Telling my age! LOL jk)
©B-Rite Music 1998

One of the things alot of people (including me) fail to remember is the ability to call on the name of Jesus! (Yeah I said HIS name! I have no shame! LOL) There are so many situations that I have been through in my life where instead of calling on God I cussed (don't front saints!), or rolled my eyes, almost gave in, etc. I came to this understanding a long time ago that IT'S NOT THAT DEEP! Nothing in this world is unbearable! God won't put more on me than I can bear. Some friends tell me of how they toss and turn in the night and I'm like, okay but why? LOL A friend of mine said, "If God is up, then why are you?" We (you me and he) need to TRUST the process and simply "Call HIS name (You can always call his name)"

LIFE can NEVER suck! If you speak the word SUCK then your result will SUCK! Am I preaching? Someone hop on that organ! LOL Another friend of mine preached about destiny being in your mind, heart, and MOUTH! Alot of DREAMS that I had didn't start to come true until I SPOKE them up and made my petitions known unto God!

As easy as it is to give your neighbor the cussing out of life, it's just as easy to call on the one that gave you the authority and privilege to speak (Insert bump music right here) LOL. But seriously, that's something I have to work on. Yes me, I have a mouth problem at times... smh

I just wanted to leave you with that and let you know that I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold! (How random can you get LOL)

It's nothing deep nor is it profound but it's real and it's all in (from) the key of Jimmy.


P.S. Check out Trin-i-tee 5:7 on the Yolanda Adams morning show. This was done 1.12.2011-

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Changing Keys

When I initially began the "blog process" I wanted a title that will perfectly describe me in every aspect. Since the blog is about me I figured, hey, why not have my name it? Then deducing my love for music I came up with "All in the key of Jimmy". My life being looked at in a manner of key signatures... Hmmmmmmm... Well it's time for a key change. :)

I am consistently amazed at how time literally flies! In my astonishment, there's a strong attitude of gratitude! Not everyone was able to come into the new year with me. There are those that have passed away, some even voluntarily walked away. While these can be "sad" or "heart moving" moments, guess who's still here? ME! And it's all because of God's grace and mercy. I'm not anywhere near perfect, but yet and still I am still considered one of HIS own.

You may ask, what is this key change you speak of? My response, I have NO CLUE. :) For so long I have PLANNED alot of things in life and most of the time the plan is not executed simply because God has something else in mind. As I've shared in other blogs, I've been doing my very best in allowing God to point me where I need to be. There have been some serious transitions (key changes) in my life as of late. Some have been mind blowing (LOL to those that know ;) ). It's real talk when people say, "Be careful in what you pray for." Seriously, be careful ya'll :) I am in a place now where I NEVER thought I would be and I have NEVER been more happier!!! SN: Remember the movie, Why Did I Get Married, where Jill Scott's character was describing her happiness in the bathroom with her crew? She got to the point where all she could do is holler. Well, that's where I am now! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LOL :) I'm so elated in regard to the key changes that are coming and that have come in my life. I'm grateful for every modulation, every inversion, every major and minor chord, every half note and half rest (not my favorite in sheet music mind you). Even those interludes (points in between a song or scene in a play. In my case the point between peace of mind and almost losing my mind!), that can sometimes seem like forever!

New year, new possibilities. Come what may! I'm ready.

You might even have some key changes coming your way. Embrace them. Talk it up a half step ;)

Monday, December 13, 2010

Another Page, Another Chapter

What does it mean to live? When you think of the word "life" what comes to mind?

I often have days where I do nothing but sit and reflect on my life. I reflect on events that have occurred not just in my own life, but in other peoples lives. There are days, sometimes weeks, where I turn off all means of communication to cogitate on MY life.

You can almost look at ones life being a booked filled with multiple chapters. Those chapters can depict a year, day, hour, minute or second. For me I see my chapters showing development over the years- from birth until now. It's funny because I can almost remember EVERY birthday I've had, every laugh I've shared, every tear I've cried, every lie I've told. I remember! I remember those moments.

Moments... Each year, on my birthday, I do my best to reflect on the year that has passed- before the night is over. If I were to write a book it would, without a doubt, be a bestseller! I have had many joyous moments! Many sad, many boring, and many ugly moments. This is something I'm sure you have too! Even in those moments there's development, growth, expansion, progression, etc. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be the person I am without those moments. I thank God for "moments". :)

With all of this being said, I continue, daily, to write yet another page, another chapter, in my life. Even though my book (life) is not finished, I often read MY book just so I don't forget who I AM! I have to keep abreast to things that concern....ME... Another page, another chapter.

Who writes the pages to your book (life)? Is it you? Or is it the people you call "friend". I dare you to review the footnotes of your life. Brush up on some of the things you "forgot" about yourself that others might not know yet. And while you look over your book, continue to jot down new things (continue living), and then reflect back on those new things and keep writing (living), another page, another chapter.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

My Joy Belongs To Me

I think this post is more of a declaration rather than complaints or being sad...

I am consistently amazed at how so many people allow life and the issues they have in life, ruin their happiness! I'm sure we all know some people that are continuously depressed, anxious, malicious, etc. To keep it real, I have sometimes felt depressed, anxious, and even malicious; however, I made the choice to operate out of joy and not sadness!

There are only a FEW (to those of you that think you know) people that know my story. What I lived through growing up as a child. Being raised by a single parent, no role models, no mentors (And I did indeed ask...but...yeah). I had a good growing up but I (ME ON THE INSIDE) was a complete wreck! I didn't fully know how to check into my happiness and stay there!!! But after a while you get tired of crying yourself to sleep. I got tired of being hateful toward my family. Biting off folks heads was one of my favorite things to do (And will quickly revert back if provoked LOL jk) but it was because I wasn't happy. I let everything I encountered from my childhood coast along with me through high school and a little bit into my college career!

One day I was crying like a little baby about something. I can't remember what happened but I was indeed pissed completely off. But something clicked ya'll... I told myself "This is THEE last day I'm crying over stupid stuff." And from then on I started learning how to love myself differently. How to treat other people with that same love that I have for myself. I started to understand that no one has control over me! I chose to be happy or sad. Yes there are some things that will make you go what the hell!!! (Yes I said it, just bare with me because you know you've said it too LOL). But the point is, you recognize the issue, deal with it, and continue on in the peace that God has given you! My joy belongs to me so if you think that life, people, work, money, and all of these other things are going to get me down you have another thing coming!!!

J Moss has a song on his first CD, The J Moss Project, called "Don't Let It Steal Your Joy". It says,

"Don't let it take your joy away- No
Hold on because its almost over
Don't let it take your joy away- No
Heavens gonna answer your call
I know you're hungry- Hold on
I know you're praying- Hold on
And you've been crying- Hold on
But just make it til the morning
Keep your mind stayed on God

The part that gets me is, "Just make it til the morning". I know I used to give up a little too soon! I would be so close to the end and boom, I gave up!

I'm learning now to operate in joy! Yeah, I have a lot of things to work on but I mean really... what good am I if I were perfect? LOL Like, seriously! I like the fact that there is always room for improvement! People always say, "Your joy is coming". Um, well I disagree! You were already allotted joy at birth! It's your choice to keep it. It's your choice to let hurt rule you! I don't mean to be harsh but I'm just sayin'. The stuff really isn't THAT deep. I'm sure you'll encounter deeper as time progresses. I know I have! You'll look back and think, "Why was I so bent out of shape over that?" You know?

Just think about it. You are the owner of your joy! Manage it well! ;)