Wow! It has been a very long time since my last post. I know there are some of you that actually enjoy reading my posts, and for that I'm so appreciative and apologetic at the same time- because I haven't posted in over a month.
I have had a very interesting list of events in the past few weeks and I have finally decided to write. I think that making time to write out my feelings is what's going to keep me sane at this point. One thing I always say you shouldn't do, and at the same time most often fall short of, is judge people. You never know what someone is going through.
Gosh, where do I begin? Let's begin with the inner pain I'm still dealing with as it relates to the passing of my grandfather. I may have mentioned him in previous entries but I think you need to know the full length detail of the pain and emotion that's a result of his passing. When I was child, the father that I knew and loved, was not the father that I thought I knew yet loved. A consistency of popping in and popping out, along with a feeling of neglect and bitterness rendered me mean and broken. In that brokeness there was but one that never left my side. It's a given that God is there no matter what; however, there are people in place on earth that serve that same purpose. The man I speak of is none other than my grandfather, Alandis Reeves SR. The man who taught me how to cut the grass, who demostrated how to use an electric and manual screwdriver. He even showed me how to lay cement, how to build, but most importantly how to love. All of these years I thought I lacked and BAM, I lacked NOTHING. I simply didn't realize it ALL until he passed.
I said all of that to say, his birthday was earlier this month, February 7th. So you can imagine I was a little sad... I miss the man like crazy. So in that week of grieving and just simply reflecting I experienced another interesting turn of events. My vehicle shuts completely down on me, not driveable at all. It just so happens that this would be tech week for "The Book of Ruth: Remixed"- a recent play I was apart of. So I am now at the mercy of my family and friends because I don't have a car. And those that know me know, I NEED my car LOL. So I go over a week without having a car, and much worse having no money. My car was estimated at $2,250.00. I think you can imagine how upsetting that can be. Reorganizing my emotions, trying to channel my grieving through other things so I can make it through the work week, and now this. In all of that sadness, God had something else in mind...
My vehicle that was estimated $2,250.00 ended in me paying $300.00. My car is now fixed and yes there are few more kinks that need to be worked out but I haven't lost anything. See where I'm headed?
So, with me still grieving and dealing with a jacked up car, work becomes one of the last places on earth I would want be. The job that I LOVED has become a wreckless, hostile, unstable environment. Pressure's all over the place. Deadlines, reports, tests, etc. It even got so bad that I cried in my boss's office because I was so upset! Oh but this isn't the end. Last weekend I go to a rehearsal for another production I'm apart of, and discover my wallet has been stolen. No ID, credit cards, debit cards, insurance cards, business cards, NOTHING. I have nothing but my word on who I am. I can't even go to the bank to withdraw money out of an account that money was just deposited into the day before my wallet was stolen. At this point I have had it with everything. Excuse my choice of words but I was pissed completely off.
But then I began to think about EVERYTHING I just described to you. When I was a child I thought I didn't have that father that I needed when I did- no lack. When my car was DOWN I had my mother, brother, and two co-workers who live on my side of town pick me up and take me to work- no lack. I have a job that... STOP! I have a job- no lack. And I have no wallet, ID, credit cards, debit cards, yet I have gas in my car, haven't missed one meal and my bills are paid- no lack.
I said all of this to say (shaking my head really hard) that when you really think about it, in some circumstances, yes we are emotional and wished things could have happened differently but somehow there is no lack, anywhere. I went through about four storms in just about two weeks, and one of them isn't even over; however, I haven't lacked anything.
Isn't it amazing how God can allow you to go through some things that are way beyond you, and even allow you to feel worthless and upset, but He has never allowed you, well me at least, to lack anything. I was never good at doing hurdles in school, but in life... I've found myself to be rather skilled and qualified. No matter how high the hurdle or even how deep the valley...I might come out bloody, and with broken bones, but the point of it all is that I come out!