Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Don't Mind Waiting

Whenever I try and muster enough strength to try and figure out just what God is trying to do in my life, I instantaneously become weak. I find that there is not enough strength in the world to figure out what God is up to. Why do we as Christians, regular people, try to figure out so much of our lives? Not saying that you can't have an idea of what you want to do in life, but it's those moments where you are smacked down completely that make you think, why?

I have had the most humbling experience here recently. It is still a very live experience in that the unthinkable in my life has happened? What is it you ask? I am UNEMPLOYED! I had a good job and sought better. In my better seeking I found a position that I just knew would be wonderful for me, an excellent fit for me to advance my career. So I leave my good job for "better" and after two days on the "better" job, I was let go. And it came as a shock to me. I have never been unemployed! EVER! It was made clear to me that my previous job would be quickly hitting the downward track, and I KNOW I heard God tell me to move on, but I can honestly say I didn't hear him say where. It brings me to tears to know that I acted prematurely, when I felt that "gut" feeling that said, don't move yet. Well, I moved anyway and after two days I was let go from the "better" job.

So here I am, no job, and no money...HUMBLED! But it's funny how you move without God but he still comes to your rescue in a way. I knew after the second day that the "better" job wasn't "better" at all. A few dollars more? Of course... but no peace. I go in on day three to be told I didn't meet the expectations of the company. What did I do wrong, you ask? If I knew, I would surely tell you. I just know that God snatched me up really quick. I couldn't even blink. And when I got to my car, with my little box that I almost started to unpack, I couldn't do anything but cry. I felt like a failure, and for lack of a better word, a dumb ass.

I generally am transparent but not this transparent. So you're getting a real exclusive with this one LOL. I just couldn't hold this in because I know there are others in the same situation. This was a humbling experience for me. And I want to tell everyone whom I call friend and those that consider me their friend, just wait. Take a deep breath and chill. Don't be like me, hahahaha. I jumped the gun and here I am. But I can say this, God has gotten me through so much worse. (Insert praise break here) And yes it stings to sit here day after day waiting on the phone to ring for a job but I KNOW God to be exactly who and what he is in my life, sovereign. I am in no way perfect! I have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many flaws and imperfections but in that he still blesses me. And I know he will come thru for me, once again. This time, I don't mind waiting :0)

I love you guys!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No Lack (Hurdling the Storm)

Wow! It has been a very long time since my last post. I know there are some of you that actually enjoy reading my posts, and for that I'm so appreciative and apologetic at the same time- because I haven't posted in over a month.

I have had a very interesting list of events in the past few weeks and I have finally decided to write. I think that making time to write out my feelings is what's going to keep me sane at this point. One thing I always say you shouldn't do, and at the same time most often fall short of, is judge people. You never know what someone is going through.

Gosh, where do I begin? Let's begin with the inner pain I'm still dealing with as it relates to the passing of my grandfather. I may have mentioned him in previous entries but I think you need to know the full length detail of the pain and emotion that's a result of his passing. When I was child, the father that I knew and loved, was not the father that I thought I knew yet loved. A consistency of popping in and popping out, along with a feeling of neglect and bitterness rendered me mean and broken. In that brokeness there was but one that never left my side. It's a given that God is there no matter what; however, there are people in place on earth that serve that same purpose. The man I speak of is none other than my grandfather, Alandis Reeves SR. The man who taught me how to cut the grass, who demostrated how to use an electric and manual screwdriver. He even showed me how to lay cement, how to build, but most importantly how to love. All of these years I thought I lacked and BAM, I lacked NOTHING. I simply didn't realize it ALL until he passed.

I said all of that to say, his birthday was earlier this month, February 7th. So you can imagine I was a little sad... I miss the man like crazy. So in that week of grieving and just simply reflecting I experienced another interesting turn of events. My vehicle shuts completely down on me, not driveable at all. It just so happens that this would be tech week for "The Book of Ruth: Remixed"- a recent play I was apart of. So I am now at the mercy of my family and friends because I don't have a car. And those that know me know, I NEED my car LOL. So I go over a week without having a car, and much worse having no money. My car was estimated at $2,250.00. I think you can imagine how upsetting that can be. Reorganizing my emotions, trying to channel my grieving through other things so I can make it through the work week, and now this. In all of that sadness, God had something else in mind...

My vehicle that was estimated $2,250.00 ended in me paying $300.00. My car is now fixed and yes there are few more kinks that need to be worked out but I haven't lost anything. See where I'm headed?

So, with me still grieving and dealing with a jacked up car, work becomes one of the last places on earth I would want be. The job that I LOVED has become a wreckless, hostile, unstable environment. Pressure's all over the place. Deadlines, reports, tests, etc. It even got so bad that I cried in my boss's office because I was so upset! Oh but this isn't the end. Last weekend I go to a rehearsal for another production I'm apart of, and discover my wallet has been stolen. No ID, credit cards, debit cards, insurance cards, business cards, NOTHING. I have nothing but my word on who I am. I can't even go to the bank to withdraw money out of an account that money was just deposited into the day before my wallet was stolen. At this point I have had it with everything. Excuse my choice of words but I was pissed completely off.

But then I began to think about EVERYTHING I just described to you. When I was a child I thought I didn't have that father that I needed when I did- no lack. When my car was DOWN I had my mother, brother, and two co-workers who live on my side of town pick me up and take me to work- no lack. I have a job that... STOP! I have a job- no lack. And I have no wallet, ID, credit cards, debit cards, yet I have gas in my car, haven't missed one meal and my bills are paid- no lack.

I said all of this to say (shaking my head really hard) that when you really think about it, in some circumstances, yes we are emotional and wished things could have happened differently but somehow there is no lack, anywhere. I went through about four storms in just about two weeks, and one of them isn't even over; however, I haven't lacked anything.

Isn't it amazing how God can allow you to go through some things that are way beyond you, and even allow you to feel worthless and upset, but He has never allowed you, well me at least, to lack anything. I was never good at doing hurdles in school, but in life... I've found myself to be rather skilled and qualified. No matter how high the hurdle or even how deep the valley...I might come out bloody, and with broken bones, but the point of it all is that I come out!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

You Can Always Call His Name™

So we ALL know my FAVORITE gospel group is Trin-i-tee 5:7!! I think that's a given... but one thing I love about them is their style and approach to gospel music. Even though this song is now considered "old school", I must say "Call His Name" still gives me goosebumps like it did 13 years ago (UH OH! Telling my age! LOL jk)
©B-Rite Music 1998

One of the things alot of people (including me) fail to remember is the ability to call on the name of Jesus! (Yeah I said HIS name! I have no shame! LOL) There are so many situations that I have been through in my life where instead of calling on God I cussed (don't front saints!), or rolled my eyes, almost gave in, etc. I came to this understanding a long time ago that IT'S NOT THAT DEEP! Nothing in this world is unbearable! God won't put more on me than I can bear. Some friends tell me of how they toss and turn in the night and I'm like, okay but why? LOL A friend of mine said, "If God is up, then why are you?" We (you me and he) need to TRUST the process and simply "Call HIS name (You can always call his name)"

LIFE can NEVER suck! If you speak the word SUCK then your result will SUCK! Am I preaching? Someone hop on that organ! LOL Another friend of mine preached about destiny being in your mind, heart, and MOUTH! Alot of DREAMS that I had didn't start to come true until I SPOKE them up and made my petitions known unto God!

As easy as it is to give your neighbor the cussing out of life, it's just as easy to call on the one that gave you the authority and privilege to speak (Insert bump music right here) LOL. But seriously, that's something I have to work on. Yes me, I have a mouth problem at times... smh

I just wanted to leave you with that and let you know that I'd rather have Jesus than silver and gold! (How random can you get LOL)

It's nothing deep nor is it profound but it's real and it's all in (from) the key of Jimmy.


P.S. Check out Trin-i-tee 5:7 on the Yolanda Adams morning show. This was done 1.12.2011-

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Changing Keys

When I initially began the "blog process" I wanted a title that will perfectly describe me in every aspect. Since the blog is about me I figured, hey, why not have my name it? Then deducing my love for music I came up with "All in the key of Jimmy". My life being looked at in a manner of key signatures... Hmmmmmmm... Well it's time for a key change. :)

I am consistently amazed at how time literally flies! In my astonishment, there's a strong attitude of gratitude! Not everyone was able to come into the new year with me. There are those that have passed away, some even voluntarily walked away. While these can be "sad" or "heart moving" moments, guess who's still here? ME! And it's all because of God's grace and mercy. I'm not anywhere near perfect, but yet and still I am still considered one of HIS own.

You may ask, what is this key change you speak of? My response, I have NO CLUE. :) For so long I have PLANNED alot of things in life and most of the time the plan is not executed simply because God has something else in mind. As I've shared in other blogs, I've been doing my very best in allowing God to point me where I need to be. There have been some serious transitions (key changes) in my life as of late. Some have been mind blowing (LOL to those that know ;) ). It's real talk when people say, "Be careful in what you pray for." Seriously, be careful ya'll :) I am in a place now where I NEVER thought I would be and I have NEVER been more happier!!! SN: Remember the movie, Why Did I Get Married, where Jill Scott's character was describing her happiness in the bathroom with her crew? She got to the point where all she could do is holler. Well, that's where I am now! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LOL :) I'm so elated in regard to the key changes that are coming and that have come in my life. I'm grateful for every modulation, every inversion, every major and minor chord, every half note and half rest (not my favorite in sheet music mind you). Even those interludes (points in between a song or scene in a play. In my case the point between peace of mind and almost losing my mind!), that can sometimes seem like forever!

New year, new possibilities. Come what may! I'm ready.

You might even have some key changes coming your way. Embrace them. Talk it up a half step ;)